Speaking in tongues. That’s an easy target, a cheap shot. But I’m feeling cheap today. In fact it’s so easy that I’m going to impose some brain-killing handicaps on my argument. For the purpose of this post, lets take the following for granted: The god of The Bible is real. The Bible is inerrant. This god grants his true followers, through the power of the ‘holy spirit’, the ability to speak in tongues.
So, there are this nuts in the Evangelical Church that think they have the ability to speak in tongues. A gift from god for them being so holy and humble. And to show that they are true followers of Jeeh’-sahs’ they start sputtering gibberish from their snouts. And you can see them close their eyes and clench their fists as if they were about to drop a big one and these assholes must think they are speaking arameic or some other ancient mid-eastern language (and its quite sad that they think it sounded like baby-talk). You just want to slap them and ask them, what exactly do they think ‘tongues’ means?
In the damn bible, after JC got hammered and then became a zombie, he went to his followers and granted them special powers, such as healing the sick, handling snakes, forgiving sins, speaking in tongues and x-ray vision. The purpose of this was to have them go around the world preaching the ‘good news’ and doing a nice traveling circus act to gather followers. Now, what use is it for them to go all epileptic and say nonsense? The answer is ‘none’, and thats OK because that’s not what ‘in tongues’ means. ‘In tongues’ literally means ‘in tongues’, that is, in different languages. So when Apostle #7 spoke in front of a crowd of jews and greeks and romans, his speech was heard in arameic and latin and greek. The point is that everyone could understand him. So if the evangelical nutjobs were actualy speaking in tongues we would all just hear them speaking in our language. And I’m very sure I don’t speak brainfuck.
On the other hand, perhaps its better that no one tells them this. It’s far more entertaining to see them doing that than to actualy be able to understand what they think they are saying.